In 1978, Osho sent Swamiji to start the center in Delhi. A new connection, a new relation developed with Swamiji, which was not of a father, nor a guru or of a friend. It was a new relationship, a strange relationship, a blend of all relationships. Swamiji took me to meet Osho, told me about the master disciple relationship. So to me Swamiji was the bridge who connected me to Osho. I cannot call him my guru. I understood the real essence of a disciple by being with him, what a disciple does and what is the work of Osho, and how it is done. I worked with him for 25 years and I remember him saying in the last few years especially after 1990 when Osho left His body. He often said that Osho is calling him. I started to feel how do I prepare for his departure. It seemed that the preparation had began but at the time and the moment he bid farewell, it was clearly felt that no preparation can be done and we could not stop him. When the ocean called, the drop or anyone near the drop could not stop the drop from merging with the ocean.

After he had departed, his physical presence is strongly missed but there is no sadness, there is rather a strange feeling of happiness that Osho has called and merged him with Himself. We have never felt such energy and happiness before. When one is confronted by queries like what an Osho disciple is like, what is the work he does, one can always get inspired by Swamiji’s life.

I would like to share one thing that I learnt from Swamiji about the meditations and about his own inner journey and the work of Osho. Be it the inner journey or the work of Osho that we do in the outside world, I have got ample opportunities to do Osho work with Swamiji and  from time to time he used to say that stretch your legs, He will spread the blanket. Sources and resources are His, He is the doer, get out of your own way, let it develop, grow and spread and this is what I feel about our own inner journeys  too that if we get out of our own way, His work becomes easier.

Once you are initiated as disciple, you leave everything to the master, whatever he tells you to do, you do it without questioning, without raising any doubt. So whether Osho asked Swamiji to stay with him in Poona or go to Delhi to start a center in Delhi, Swamiji takes it as his growth process with love, devotion, dedication and surrender. So this is how the center started in Delhi. Without bringing his own self or ego in it what would happen to me when I am too far away from my master. You are not far away, you may be physically far away from the master but the master is not a physical entity. Master is a universal consciousness and master functions beyond time and space. Master even functions when he is no more in the body. Master says that even if you are gone to another planet, I will be available to you. With this trust a disciple can go anywhere and start working and he would become the vehicle of the master.

There are two dimensions to work. One on working on one’s self, the deeper you go into meditation the more transparent you become. You actually realize what master’s work is, the more you grow the more you can help others grow. Only then you can share the experience on an existential level, not intellectual or verbal. That where the phenomena of energy, vibration, that becomes important and that works wonders. Swamiji was working both ways. Like there was a physical part of making books, tapes, space available for meditators to come, but at the same time if he is meditating his presence is also working. So the flowering happened in both directions. The physical part is that Osho Dham blossomed, Oshoworld blossomed and the center blossomed. And the other thing is that he blossomed. So the other things are the manifestations of his inner self. The more a disciple grows in meditation, it would manifest in so many things.

This is the ultimate flowering of a potential that we all carry, becoming fully illumined, no corner in your existence is in dark. This is all illumination, there is all clarity. In no terms you can say there are any confusion in your life. You are not there, actually this light is there. You as an ego is gone. His light is godliness, divinity. That’s enlightenment. Then, you do not function as an ego, as a separate entity. You become a medium or vehicle of the godliness or the master, the stream that is coming from him flows through you. But in the west or in normal terms, people who are intellectual or people who are educated are thought to be enlightened but in the world of Buddhas, mystics, enlightenment is a totally different phenomenon. Enlightenment is something that like Kabir syas “ Boond samana samunder mein”, the drop has dissolved into the ocean or “samunder samana boond mein” the ocean has dissolved into the drop. That enormous phenomenon is enlightenment, its not like becoming educated as the western terminology says like this is enlightened age but that age doesnot happen, there is no age as enlightenment. Only few individuals who attain to their realization or potential, a Buddha, a mahavira, a Krishna, so when a disciple surrenders completely he attains to that like meera becming one with Krishna.

We can say because we have been with our master and have seen how his energy has touched us. Whenver somebody blossoms and reaches that level that energy is going to touch you if you are open and receptive and that preparatio had happened to us by living with Osho. So we know what happens when somebody attains to enlightenment. Swamiji himself declared but we felt it. So it not something that somebody comes and tells you tha I am enlightenment, it is not a ego statement, it is something like you know when you taste something, its authentic taste on a subtler level. So, when you go and sit near him you don’t feel like getting away, because you are continuously sharing his vibration, his enery that you donot want to part. You are in a electromagnetic field.

After Swamiji left his body, from that moment onward, the feeling I got in this place was like a plane with full passengers taking off. Suddenly, it is a collective upliftment. We all soar into the sky together. It was a collective feeling and that continues, that feeling of collective flight into a new dimension unknown before, so new vistas open. There is a collective gravitional pull and there is a collective pull of the grace. So together you are being pulled up. So that being pulled up feeling collectively was there and it was very subtle and it continues to be. “Hawa main who umang hai, who tarang hai ki kisi aur aayam mein hamari yatra ho rahi hai.”

I was initiated into sannyas in Poona on Guru Purnima in 1976. When I shifted to Tilak nagar in Delhi, Swami Satyatirth, who had taken sannyas in the same year as me, informed that Bhagwan has sent Swami Om Prakash to Delhi to start a center and that Swamiji would need assistance in shifting from Kirti Nagar to South Delhi. It was during the summer vacations and since I am a teacher by profession, my school was closed, so I happily agreed. I met Swamiji for the first time in Kirti Nagar and as soon as I met him, my heart knew that I have found a guiding light and instantly I developed a connection with him. I felt that Osho has sent him to guide me in my journey. I came with Swamiji’s belongings to Rajyoga Rajneesh Dhyan Kendra. For the first time a miracle happened. While unloading a furniture, I slightly hurt my hand which turned a little bluish, athough there was no injury. When Swamiji came to know about it, he called me and very lovingly told me to do everything with full awareness. This was the first sutra Swamiji gave me. My inner journey started on that very day. I started to work in the center whenever I used to have my summer vacations and any other holidays. On the first day when I asked Swamiji that since you are alone, should I stay with you. Swamiji said “ I am not alone, Bhagwan is with me, You please go home”. I used to come to center from Tilak Nagar changing two buses. But I always felt that I am coming to my own home. Swamiji inspired me to make work my meditation. Meditations were also conducted here although no one used to come here in those days. We used to send invitations and whosoever used to come, Swamiji gave full attention to him. One day while I was doing an active meditation, Swamiji came to me. I had a strange weakness that I could not hold up my hands for long. He straightened my elbows, pulled them up and said keep them totally high and jump with the sound of hoo, then only you will get results. In my 25 years of association with Swamiji, I have never found a better guide to inspire in meditation, or a better camp facilitator or center facilitator who observed each individual’s progress.

He started weekends in Oshodham. He took care of each individual. After the meditations concluded, Swamiji always invited each individual and shared with them what improvement was needed. I am a heart patient and I remember one incident which is no less than a miracle. I had an heart attack in 1986 and my BP shot up. ECG was also giving wrong readings. I remained in AIIMS for nine days and how I survived I do not know. Seeing my physical condition, Swamiji asked me to stop doing active meditations. One day I was taking a walk in Oshodham when active meditation was in progress. He called me and scolded me, I said that I went out for a walk. Swamiji said “ Is this a place for picnic? This is a place for meditation. Sit beside me and do Vipasanna. You haven’t come here to spend a holiday.” So wherever Swamiji felt that something was wrong he always gave his insight whether someone likes it or not. I remember that a camp was organized in Talkatora Stadium in those days. About 300 friends participated. I haven’t seen such a camp till date. At that time I had a daughter who was about five years old. I stayed with Swamiji for three days and when the camp was being concluded, someone came with the news that my daughter is no more. I told Swamiji what has happened. Swamiji said “ go and happily bid farewell to her, your journey together has ended.” Swamiji advised me on my personal problems too. 25 years with Swamiji is a long time. I have many memories of those 25 years. Swamiji never let the center face any financial problems. When this building was bought, there was no greenery around. He gave full support in planting saplings and trees. He himself was involved in planting and very lovingly nurtured them too. He himself cleaned the meditation hall. He himself sat in the book counter to sell books and whosoever came to meditate, Swamiji never let him go without refreshment. It was in those days , I remember, refreshments and lunch almost went simultaneously and no one ever went back without having food here. Like Kabir, Swamiji used to give open invitations and every freedom was there for those who who came to work here and whosoever wanted to volunteer was always welcomed. Swamiji followed the vision of Osho and Ma Laxmi but he never compromised on discipline. Swamiji never let a single change in the meditation techniques devised by Osho. He conducted meditation camp in Rohtak and connected the people of Rohtak with Osho. A time came when the meditation hall in center fell small for the meditators. Vanful of Osho friends used to come from Rohtak. Kirtan was at its height. In the beginning, I remember that there was no one to do the household chores, but when kirtan started, the center also became hub of activities and people continues to get connected.

All we can learn from him is to regularly do the meditations devised by Osho and whatsoever we do in the material world has to be done with full awareness. I still remember that Osho had once said that Swami Om Prakashji is now complete with meditations, he should run a center and do my work. But still Swamiji continued meditating as for him it was the only mantra. Swamiji’s effort was to do as much Osho’s work as possible. When center seemed too small for meditations then he started searching for a new place. Whether winter or summer, he continued to conduct weekend camps at Oshodham. Whether two persons come or four, he took a full camp. When people started coming to Oshodham from faraway places, he was very happy. He used to call me up to ask how many people have turned up and lately he was satisfied that now Oshodham was utilized to its full potential.

For Osho he had total surrender – body, mind and soul. In my opinion he lived only to carry out the work of Osho from the time he took sannyas. His only aim in life was to bring Osho closer to people so that more and more people could get connected with Osho, meditations and with Osho’s love.

I met Swamiji in Mount Abu when he came there to attend a meditation camp. He had not taken sannyas at that time. I was there where Osho was staying. Swamiji also came there to meet Osho. Someone introduced us and I greeted him with a Namaskar. He bowed down to touch my feet. But I stopped his hands. I said please do not touch my feet. Then we hugged. That was the first meeting with Swamiji. After Mount Abu, I met him in Poona when he was working there. One day I went to the commune office and there was a celebration going on. I asked what was happening. Vidya said that Swami Om Prakash has become a grandfather. These were the two short and sweet meetings that I had with Swamiji. After many years we met in Rajneeshpuram. Then I came to know that Swamiji had shifted to Delhi and is running Rajyoga Center. I was working in the accounts department and whenever I used to check the account of Rajyoga, I was surprised with the amount of books being bought by Rajyoga. The name Rajyoga itself used to make me imagine the center to be very big.

When I was working in Zarathustra, he was also sent there to work. I was very happy meet him there. He told me that he will stay there for three months and work. Since he was elderly, he was given the charge of quality control that required less movement. We used to check each and everything whether it’s a book or a  photograph. Our coordinator expected him like everyone else to be at work by 7 in the morning. Everybody used to work from seven in the morning but Swamiji told me that it will not be possible for him to come at seven. He said, “I will come at nine, explain it to her”. I asked Swamiji, “what about your breakfast”. He said, “breakfast is out of question, when will I get ready and then go for breakfast, I cannot do things in a hurry”. Then he said that he needs to drink milk every night. I helped him in these little matters. I went to his trailer and found a vessel. I informed Swamiji that milk is kept in the refrigerator and he can have it every night. I also said that I go for breakfast so I can get him something to eat. So I used to get banana or bread butter packed for him. I spoke to the coordinator also that how you can expect him to come at seven, he can come at nine. She also realized.

When I was visiting Delhi, Swamiji took me with him to see the plot for Oshodham. H said “I will make a small mandir for you here, come and stay here”. I had this feeling that something was on his mind to call me here. Swamiji used to keep on passing this remark to me to come over from time to time. When Oshodham was to be inaugurated in the month of March, I was in Bhuj leading a camp. Swami Narendra had a heart problem and all his camps were cancelled. The people in Bhuj were not keen on canceling the camp and they asked that anyone can come for leading the camp. Neelam ma told me to go and I went. That was the first camp that I led. I kept my room locked in my absence. When I returned from Bhuj, I found an envelope on the latch. When I opened I found that it was an invitation card from Rajyoga on which it was written ‘inauguration by Ma Dharam Jyoti’. I came here and Oshodham was inaugurated. Camps were organized every six month. Then when I decided to move out of the commune, Swamiji told me to come here rather than moving in a flat there. I agreed. Before that he used to call and ask every now and then when I am coming here but  I was indecisive whether to come to Oshodham or not. So one day I made a phone call to him. Swamiji asked me when I am coming. I said I will see. Then lovingly he scolded me, “what is there to see, I am offering you  a diamond in a silver plate and you are saying I will see. No need to think, just come.” Swamiji was persuading me to come, knowing my hesitation. Then we regularly spoke on the phone and he used to ask always what I was doing. One day I told him that I am packing and sorting my belongings. He said what is there to sort, I am sending a truck, put everything in and come. That’s how I came here.

I felt a deeper heart connection with  him. Swamiji and myself were the only ones to live in Oshodham for about six months when I came here. Camps were organized every month. It was a beautiful feeling that he was there and I was there. Those days Swamiji had developed a liking for films. Every evening he watched a film and used to call me to join him. I did not like the violence in films, so I used to sit for 5-10 minutes and then leave. One day he sent me a message that he was about to watch Love Story and asked me to join him. Then he asked me what I do just sitting in my room. I answered that after many years I have got this opportunity to be in silence and I am enjoying these days, meditating and listening to Osho. He told me not to become a Jain Sadhvi. I can say this much that Swamiji was an epitome of Osho’s vision of Zorba the Buddha. He lived in totality both inside and outside. I used to watch Swamiji enjoying little things. He used to have ice creams those days and will ask me to have it too. When I refused he said you have to eat, it will not make you less meditative. Very lovingly Swamiji used to take care of others. When I asked him if I can make a long distance call to my friends since I miss them and that I will make payment for the call, Swamiji gave me a good piece of his mind. He said it is not hesitation but my pride.

Swamiji’s surrender was total for Osho and so was his reverence. As Osho says for a disciple not to use his intellect. Swamiji was like that without giving a second thought, just carry out master’s wishes. On one hand was his reverence and total dedication and on the other was the determination to do things. This was an unique combination I found in Swamiji. When it came to determination to do things, it was with total determination that he carried out the task. And when it came to surrender it was a total surrender. It is difficult to find these two traits together in a person which I found in Swamiji. Osho had said, “create a place for me” and Swamiji worked for it in totality without thinking what will happen later. When it came to determination, he became a Zen Master with a stick.

After his enlightenment, he became more sharing and loving. He became silent and started sharing more. Whenever somebody visited him, he used to receive, talk and was very hospitable to him.

Most of the time he used to sit with his eyes closed as if he is drowned in himself. I felt good to sit silently with him. Then he started satsang. Everybody felt the energy in satsang and in his presence we felt something has happened to him which we cannot describe. Whereas he had spoken to us about this. I feel that his journey was successful. He attained what he had to.

I have seen Mataji leaving her body and also of Swamiji. There is  a tremendous release of energy at the time of one’s leaving the body as I witnessed with Mataji. Till the end she was conscious and when she took the last breath there was burst of energy which I felt here when Swamiji left his body. When I went to Swamiji’s room in the morning and Swamiji’s body was on the bed I was suddenly shocked as if Osho was lying on the bed. Then I realized that he was no more breathing. I realized that his body has become silent. It was a beautiful moment to drink that energy and meditate. Now his presence is felt every moment. Of course we cannot verbally speak to him as he is not in his physical body but if one goes and sits in his room the same energy is felt. If one finds it difficult to get into meditation, it is as if his energy is helping us to go deeper into silence.

He was speaking to everyone a couple of days before leaving his body and shared that “I have built Oshodham, now it is for you to take care of it. I have done my work”. Swamiji was giving indications.

In the end I would like to share this beautiful experience. Everytime I left center for a few days Swamiji always asked me about the date of my return. This time when I was leaving for Kuchwara, I went to meet him, he was sleeping. So I left without meeting him. On 22nd of March in Kuchwara, I lay on my bed but could not sleep and I suddenly heard Swamiji’s voice asking me about my return. I replied that on 26th  morning I will be there and he said he will wait. It was a very clear vision that when I will reach there everybody will be celebrating death. It happened exactly the same way. Most of us were away from Center and when we returned, he met everybody in the evening. He left his body in total awareness after meeting us all.